The Things I Never Said
by darkdestiney2000
Summary: LJ’s thoughts after he gets off the phone with Lincoln. Please RR!


Disclaimer: If I owned them do you think I'd be writing this dinky little one-shot? But for the sake of not being sued, I don't own anything.

A/N: I just started watching Prison Break so if some things don't seem right I'm sorry. And I really should be catching up on my other stories but I've had a brain freeze. Besides this is just a one-shot and these thought have been bouncing around in my head for the past two or three weeks, gotta get them out! I hope you enjoy!

Summary: LJ's thoughts after he gets off the phone with Lincoln.

LJ's POV

I love you Dad.

Why didn't I say that more often? Maybe because after a certain age it was 'uncool' to show any affection toward your parents or I was just so angry that he wasn't around that anyway I could hurt him would make me feel better.

I can't even begin to explain how hurt and upset I was, not just at him but also at the whole situation. Being stuck with Mom and Aiden 24/7 wasn't a joy ride and every kid needs his Dad. That was part of the reason I never got along with my Mom's husband, he was always acting like he was my Dad. As much as I disliked my Father at the time no one could take his place.

Sixteen years isn't long enough. A person needs more time with the people he loves. My heart hasn't come close to healing after loosing Mom and now I'm gonna lose him too! It's just not fair!

There are so many things I wish I could have done with him, things I want him to be apart of, like who'll be there when I get married. That's not to say that Uncle Michael hadn't been great because he has. The good thing about him is that he never tried to replace Dad. He was more of an older brother.

But why should I be talking about weddings and crap like that, even if Veronica and Nick manage to clear my name; who would want to marry a would-be convict? I'll probably end up hiding in basements and spare rooms in apartments for the rest of my life.

That makes me hate the government even more. Why did it have to be us? I'd never see my parents again; I'm paying for a crime I didn't even commit.

Would I share the same fate as Dad? Framed for a murder I didn't commit, then put to death as an innocent man? At this point I've lost so much faith that I don't care. And there's another thing; how stupid was I to believe that Veronica and Nick could clear Dad's name in such a small amount of time?

I knew that I shouldn't have trusted my dream, but it seemed so…real! Everything about it was real, the smell of fresh cut grass, the sounds of cars passing on the road and dogs barking. The house had a lot of window. I think we both needed that, tons of light. But maybe that's why I trusted it. Everyone needs something to believe in, you gotta have hope.

So that was my hope; that was what I believed in. But I really shouldn't have, because in the end it only hurt me even more. Reality hits me hard once it breaks through my barriers.

In all truthfulness, I'd planned on breaking out of the apartment and going to see him anyway. I didn't care if I was caught, I needed to see him, and I needed to be with him just once more. But that wasn't happening, Nick kept such a watchful eye on meand Dad told me to stick with them. So if that's what he wants then for the first time, I'll do what he wants me to do.

A knock on the bedroom door pulled me from my thoughts and Nick's voice carried throughout the apartment. He'd turned off the TV because I couldn't handle listening to it. I couldn't handle hearing the Vice President talk about how her family would be getting justice at 12:01. Her voice made me sick to my stomach.

"LJ, do you want anything to eat, or anything?" His voice was filled with concerned and I felt bad for making him worry about me. He had some idea as to what I was feeling. I rolled over so I faced the door.

"No thanks, Nick. I'm fine." The words came out confidently but my appearance betrayed me. I was a train wreck. Neither sleep nor eating came easily. When I tried either I woke up from horrible nightmares or lost everything that I'd tried to eat. The only time I enjoyed sleep was when Veronica convinced me to take some sleeping pills, but after that I hadn't slept for three days. We agreed not to use them again unless I was in dire need of some sleep. I think tonight would be the exception.

After a few second I heard him walk off and I looked at the clock: 11:57. My Dad would be alive for four more minutes. That took a toll on my mind and I lost all control. After I started to cry I couldn't make myself stop. It took all the effort I had not to cry when Dad had called earlier, but now there was no reason not to cry, so I didn't attempt to stop myself.

All that I could think about is how much I loved him and how he'd never know how much he meant to me. My cries were coming so hard and violently that I had to rush to the bathroom so I wouldn't throw up on the carpet. The door banged against the wall as I dove for the toilet and emptied the full contents of my stomach; some water and orange juice.

My sobs still racked my body as I felt a hand rubbing my shoulder. Nick lowered himself onto the floor and rubbed my back as I continued to weep. At that point I didn't care how stupid and weak I looked, my Dad was gone and I hurt so much. My heart felt like it was put in a blender and set to crush. After my stomach got rid of the rest of liquids I dry heaved for about five minutes and then leaned back and rested my head on the cool tile floor.

I looked up to see Nick sitting next to me with a pill and glass of water. He handed them to me and after minutes of struggling to get them down handed him back the glass. A fresh wave of tear came to me but I wiped them away with the damp cloth Nick handed me. I took the hand he offered me and followed him back to the bedroom where I lied down because the effects from the pill were taking motion.

"Everything will be ok. We're not going to let anything happen to you." He flipped off the light and there for a minute I believed him. But a minute later I fell asleep.

Some time later, I woke with Veronica at my side she had a small smile on her face and the only thing I could think is _How can you be happy? He's dead!_

"Someone slipped the Judge some information. We have two more weeks." She whispered.

"What! Are you sure?" I jumped up then instantly regretted it. She put a hand on my shoulder and forced me back into bed.

"We'll talk about it later. You need to get some rest." I was about to protest when she added. "He'll be alive when you wake up." I nodded and lay back down, relaxing for the first time in days.

When she left, I dreamed of the house, with the many windows, and the smell of fresh cut grass, and the car and dogs sounds. And there he was with a happy smile because we were together.

The next day, I woke with a smile and renewed faith in my chest.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed. A little overdramatic but ok I guess. Please R/R!


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